The Shortest but Longest Month of the Year

Okay, I’m really ready for February to be over. Each year I go into the month thinking, “It’s going to be okay.” And at the end of the month, my tongue is hanging out and I feel almost suicidal (not really, just down).

I haven’t figured out whether I have seasonal affective disorder (SADD) or if February is just hard month for me because it brings back memories of my mother. My mom died on February 10, 1991. You’d think I’d be “over it” by now, but I’ve learned that grief has its own timetable.

Today while driving to work, I felt immensely sad. I thought about my mom and her funny sayings and how she always seemed to know just what to say to add levity to situations. I wish I had that same skill.

I am really ready for February to be over. We’ve had more snow than usual in January and February. Usually I like snow, but now I’m more than ready for spring. Was excited to see some daffodils popping up in our yard today, and I noticed a couple of forsythia bushes blooming on an adjacent street, so surely spring can’t be far behind.

In the meantime, I will try to concentrate on things that lift me up, like walks at lunchtime (somehow I feel like I’m getting out of prison when I go outside at lunch), turning my face toward the sunshine, keeping in touch with friends, and watching funny shows on TV or reading outrageous e-mail jokes (they’ve been rare lately…no one seems to have time to send any).

I’m stubborn enough to know that I WILL get through this. I just need to hang tough.

2 thoughts on “The Shortest but Longest Month of the Year

  1. I understand your feelings about February as I have the same about January. My father died on January 2, 2001.I just lost my mother on January 30, 2011. I don’t think it is SADD as it situational rather than seasonal. Does that make sense? Try not to label your feeling. Just work through them as I am trying to do………it isnt easy…….

    • Thanks, Nicole. Good reminder not to label the feeling. I do get really down in wintertime, though, with all the gray days we have in Tennessee, so I suspect I may have a mild case of SADD. There are ways to treat that, though. Yes, I am still trying to work through my grief. Sorry for your loss of your parents…and both to cancer. That’s rough.

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