Okay, I’m really ready for February to be over. Each year I go into the month thinking, “It’s going to be okay.” And at the end of the month, my tongue is hanging out and I feel almost suicidal (not really, just down).
I haven’t figured out whether I have seasonal affective disorder (SADD) or if February is just hard month for me because it brings back memories of my mother. My mom died on February 10, 1991. You’d think I’d be “over it” by now, but I’ve learned that grief has its own timetable.
Today while driving to work, I felt immensely sad. I thought about my mom and her funny sayings and how she always seemed to know just what to say to add levity to situations. I wish I had that same skill.
I am really ready for February to be over. We’ve had more snow than usual in January and February. Usually I like snow, but now I’m more than ready for spring. Was excited to see some daffodils popping up in our yard today, and I noticed a couple of forsythia bushes blooming on an adjacent street, so surely spring can’t be far behind.
In the meantime, I will try to concentrate on things that lift me up, like walks at lunchtime (somehow I feel like I’m getting out of prison when I go outside at lunch), turning my face toward the sunshine, keeping in touch with friends, and watching funny shows on TV or reading outrageous e-mail jokes (they’ve been rare lately…no one seems to have time to send any).
I’m stubborn enough to know that I WILL get through this. I just need to hang tough.